| jon is a loser who doesn't update his xanga cuz he is a laaaazzzzzzziiiiiiii assssssss...
everyone agrees...?!
ahahahahaha...
but i still love him n e waiiz cuz.
well.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
-kim
mwatz 2 mai bab3. ;]
_______________________
wooo babe posted for me. gonna just add a nice vid.
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| so tayl has ended. glad to be with teh campers again finally after a year..
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| Man I havent xanga'd in a long time. never really feel like udating
nemore *sob,* though I really should...not good to have a gap in my
virtual memory. the only detailed memory I really have frm high school
pretty much.
I'm sick right now and slept all day. It's 2:30 inda mornin and im not tired at all so I'm writing a xanga.
Well things have been going OK i guess.
I'm a big bad senior almost....seems too fast. I look around at teh
youngins and think bout the fun they get to have. That small time
window of livin it up cuts off alot earlier than i previously
thought...hope im wrong tho. Maybe just scared of losing the old and
familiar.
TAYL is returning. Yet another year of this camp...Of course this
always brings back memories. Can't believe I went to it so many years.
I'm very glad I did of course.
No matter what happens though, I kno imma miss these times. iono wat to
say. I still got a year to go but in that year the same thots r gonna b
loomin tho since im going to have to be lookin around at colleges and
such. The reality of the situation isnt going. The end of my junior
year is hardly the time to be talking about such things tho...
So I just saw missy sign on aim...havent seen that in a while. reminded
me of some stuff for my brain to chew on (not to mention memories from
a time that didnt really seem to exist..but thats another story)...yeah
thats why I'm wondering about change right now...
I've changed alot and grew alot (obviously not physically) in these few
years. Made me kind of question why I did though. Sometimes I'm not
really sure who I really am anymore. Is it really me? or am I the
product of what people have expected me to be or become? Am I the
result of unfortunate happenings causing me to change? I really dont
know. For one thing, I used to be alot nicer in personality a few years
ago.
I guess I became a nice guy a long time ago when being a badass didnt
really work anymore (frosh time period). I was nice, put everyone
before me, and was open about my feelings. Recently tho, after a
cumulation of events in which I deeemed a result of my kindheartedness,
I changed myself. The first influence that caused this happened a long
time ago, frosh-ish time period. It seemed like certain people and a
person of fondness took advantage of my personality. Then through the
rest of my time in highschool, it seemed like being a nice guy was
simply not looked well upon. See, sooner or later, being the nice guy
never worked out. A nice guy would eventually crumble. And of course, I
gotta bring honesty into this; being a nice guy simply isnt what women
look for. It took a couple women for me to figure out. Missy was my
final little nudge before it hit me. It all makes complete logical
sense. Ask Darwin or Mother Nature. I'm sure they'll agree.
So now what am I? I've come from being a badass to a semi-cocky niceguy
to a cocky jerk. I hurt people I care about. I rarely share my feelings
anymore and I'm numb to much external stimulation. It seems like any of
my changes are always a result of basically someone else telling me to.
Not directly though for the most part. I'm not so sure I like it. What
I don't like even more is how I dont even know which is really me.
So where is the next step going to take me?
There was once upon a time where a boy named Jon's highest value was personal identity... |
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